Go Hard II- Rise of the hungry

I cant believe its been like 2 years since my first post. Boy have things changed. I moved to NYC and work for a completely different company. I lost some weight (thank God!) and now live with my girlfriend, Hali. One positive think I didn’t change is that I still keep the N word out of my vocab so for those trying, it is possible .

In other news, moving back to the city renewed my passion for success and. To put it simply I have been going HARD. I have so many goals and there really isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done. In my first year back I will say though that I become so focused on achieving my career goals that I let many other important relationships falter. I would go to work bust my ass, then come home and do more work from home and study on the weekends so that I would stay on pace. I would email friends sporadically and call family members occasionally. I probably spoke to family members more often when I was in TN than when I came to NYC…and they all live in NYC. It was pretty bad. Now while I wasn’t formally communicating, I did think about folks and in my mind as long as I thought about people, the relationship was fine….obviously not the case. My closest friends understood my grind but my girlfriend had to constantly remind me that I needed to give people a call and see how they are doing as well. Friendship is supposed to be reflexive, right? Not in my case. It didn’t help that my cell phone screen cracked …and me being the monetarily conservative person I am (cheap!) I didn’t see the necessity in getting a new phone. Im not sure when it happened but sometime this spring, I realized that this wasn’t cutting it. After several of my friends graduated this spring I realized that I hadn’t seen and spoken to some of them in way to long. I did make it to several graduations the reconnections were awesome. I hadn’t laughed so hard, had as many deep conversations, or just expressed congratulations in such a long time. It reminded me that this is what life is all about. When you’re dead and gone people won’t necessarily remember the things you accomplished at work but more so they remember type of person you were and relationships you kept. This is why I have decided to work more on fostering relationships with family and friends. This ties into the title for this post.

I have decided to make more of an effort to stay up with friends and family while still attaining a high level of success at work I call this campaign Go Hard II- Rise of the hungry. Basically it’s an effort for me to have the best of both worlds. So far I’ve been able to balance things well as I now use many of the resources that help me stay on top of work. I try to schedule calls to some friends and on a weekly basis try to think of the people I haven’t seen or talked to in and then I make calls and try to wrap with folks. Of course I could always do better but this gives me another goal to strive toward which works for me as I like to set goals for myself and then achieve them! For any friends reading this, please reach out if you think its been a minute and you think I owe you a call! Remember it’s reflexive though as well! Much love though to everyone in my life. I really do love everyone and appreciate the impact each person has. That’s all for this post…ill be updating this more frequently now! Stay up and God Bless…V.M.

Hood Figure

I decided today that I would drink the kool aid and create my own blog. In no means do I want to conform to any social pressures, but after reading a couple of my friends online entries, blogging seems like a great way to vent and keep others informed about what’s going on in your life, especially as it is tremendously difficult to email, call, or write everyone. So with this brief introduction here I go on my first one…

Being in Memphis Tennessee for the past couple of months has taught me a great deal about life and about myself. I pride myself on being independent and all, but wow when you are completely away from all familiar people and geographic landscapes, you come to realize how much you depend on the support and familiarity of others. Not to get soft but this time has truly made me appreciate all the relationships I have and I am definitely working to maintain/rebuild them. Okay enough with the sap… so another thing being in Memphis has taught me is the power of the N word….NIGGER. Wow I even feel a little disgusted as I see the word on my cpu screen. I have had several experiences here that have led me to this realization. The first and most impacting one happened very soon after I arrived here. I was at a bar called Double Deuce….please don’t ask me how that happened, that’s another story. I was at the bar as I observed a group of young white males arguing and presumably about to squabble. One of the guys had the right mind to mediate the situation and retorted… “Yall niggas is trippin, chill out man let’s just have a drink and relax.” Now as this was happening I thought to myself, wow I need to clean the wax out of my ears because, this can’t be right. This white boy didn’t really just say that. So as the situation dies down I approach this guy and asked him what happened. He responded…”Dawg this niggas was trippin but everything is cool” I guess he could see the confusion on my face, so he responded, “I don’t mean nothing by that dawg, but you know niggas be trippin and shit.” ….WOW…..no let me repeat that again WOOOOOOOW. Now as I continued to talk to this guy, who happened to go by “White Mike”, I explained to him about the power of the word he was using, especially coming from a white person. He now had the same look of confusion as I had earlier. I explained to him the history of racism in this country, especially in the south, and especially in Tennessee. It didn’t take long for me to realize he was listening to me, but he wasn’t hearing me. Even more interesting is the fact that he said that, he was raised around Black people and was permitted to use to word. Once again…WOW. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have used this word as well, and in a way felt justified to use it because I’m Black. I mean growing up in NYC, the word is used on a daily basis by African American men, women, children, etc. It’s a word we have become too comfortable with in the Black community. Honestly, all the talk about feeling empowered and switching the meaning of the word is kinda bullshit. When I use it sometimes it’s a positive way, but sometimes I don’t mean it in no nice way. Real talk. Sometimes Black people use it in the same manner as old slave masters. Only difference is now pronounced Nigga instead of Nigger, but it’s the same connotation. In a way I even felt responsible for White Mike using the word because I have said the word so much over the years that I’m sure I influenced a lot of people to think it’s okay to say it. And not just white people, either. I’m talking about Black people, Latino, Asian, pretty much people from all walks of life say the word, and think because the perceived connotation and pronunciation is different, it’s ok Well for me, its not.

Shortly after my conversation with Mike I vowed not to use the word anymore. For anyone who knows me, knows this is a difficult feat. I’m so used to saying it, it’s almost natural. It’s a disgusting habit. I’m working hard to break it. Every time I’m prompted to use it, I remember White Mike. It’s almost like a palette cleanser. I won’t front like I don’t slip up every now and again but, I feel like slowly the word is escaping my vocabulary. I even shiver a little when I hear it in music and conversation. I notice it a lot more than I ever did before also. For anyone reading this that uses the word, I’m not judging, this is just my own personal initiative. But if you get mad when you hear white people, or anyone who’s not African American say the word, just remember that there’s a chance that someone granted them “permission” to use it. And it’s like a chain because once you’ve been granted permission, you can pass it on. So don’t get mad. You didn’t necessarily give them “permission” but it’s like the butterfly affect, a chain reaction.

Whew…that was a lot for my first blog. But to end, the title of this entry signifies my struggle to stop using the N word. I love this song, but I sing the radio version of the chorus. It might sound corny to some of yall that way, but this way I know I’m not creating anymore White Mikes. …..word